Paul Gask once felt jumping off a bridge was his only option,,,
Gripping the wall of a railway bridge while the rest of Leicester partied in the New Year, Paul Gask felt jumping was his only option.
Left reeling after the suicide of a colleague, and trapped by drink and drugs he felt the world would be better off without him.
Paul – or Gasky – had a successful career in the CID and revelled in its tough banter and heavy drinking.
“I built up a reputation as a thief-taker, and my goal was to be the best detective in the office,” he revealed in a video with Christian men’s organisation BMF Life Stories at Lunch.
But his world was shaken when he learned a colleague John* had taken his own life.
“To say I didn’t cope is an understatement,” he says.
He drank heavily, downing half a bottle of whisky for breakfast to cope. Angry and bitter, he left his wife and young daughters. Drugs followed, debts spiralled, leaving Paul suicidal that New Year’s Eve in 1995.
VOICE
God had other plans, however. “I was one step from going over when I heard an inner voice. It said, ‘Remember how angry you were when John took his own life – so don’t do it.”
It was enough to get him down from the wall and, to his surprise, to the house of a local vicar. Just before he left her, Paul’s wife Sue had become a Christian. Paul was incensed by Sue’s faith.
But now, desperate, he turned to her vicar for help.
“I was just sobbing,” said Paul. “He asked me, ‘What are your plans?’ I said, ‘I haven’t got any. I didn’t plan to be alive today.’”
The vicar took him home and Sue called their GP. Paul was sent for a mental health assessment and diagnosed with severe depression. He confessed his addictions, debts and unfaithfulness to Sue. Trusting God he would change, she forgave him.
God transformed Paul’s life. Waking from a terrible nightmare one night, he became aware of a figure in the bedroom.
“He held out his hand and said, ‘Paul, trust in me.’ I knew it was Jesus. I felt pure peace that I’ve never experienced before.”
Paul chose to become a Christian and says his life changed in an instant. Returning to work with its hard drinking and banter was a challenge. Nevertheless, Paul defended his faith until the day he retired after 30 years’ service.
Today, he works with Christian Vision for Men – an organisation that helps introduce men to Jesus and build their faith.
Christianity is tough, he said, but it’s the reason he’s here: “Jesus intervened when I needed him most. Twenty-five years down the line I could easily just be a distant memory, but instead I’m still here and following God as best I can.”
*Not his real name
